roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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