When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize