Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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