its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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