do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
