well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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