You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize