she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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