Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
