I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
