it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
and she was petting her beer can
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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