the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
