My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize