i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
