i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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