There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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