dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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