Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize