you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
