i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
