M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You are a genius and a whore.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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