some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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