And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
