Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
