as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
