I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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