I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize