lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
