I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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