You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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