Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Operation Purity has been aborted
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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