I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
