dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize