so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
