Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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