I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
