so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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