Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize