Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
