Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
