If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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