My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
