Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
