TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
