He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
