i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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