i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
