i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize