he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
