And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is Oprah even human
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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