Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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