My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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