Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Come on in and take your pants off
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