nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
