I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
