Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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