It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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