Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
