My sheets look like a crime scene.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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