It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
