I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
