I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
