I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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