i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
