At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
