Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
