I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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